Coming Down
by suicidalunicorn97
Summary: Destiel. Set around the end of Season 9, when Cas loses his grace and becomes human. He'll do anything to feel like he's flying again. (Trigger warning for drug use.) Dean is trying to help, while struggling with his own addiction. (Trigger warning for alcoholism) Can they save each other before it's too late? Druggie!Cas, Worried!Dean
1. Chapter 1

**Ezekiel/Gadreel isn't possessing Sam in this fic.**

* * *

Dead ends and brick walls. That's all humanity seemed to hold for Castiel.

He'd lost his Grace. He was basically useless now. His brothers and sisters had fallen; lost and confused, to an earth that wasn't ready for them. They were fighting and killing one another.

And it was all his fault.

According to the Angel Tablet, there was no way to reverse the spell. Metatron, the only person who knew if that was true, was nowhere to be found. Sam was still healing from the Trials, Kevin was stressing over the Angel Tablet; trying desperately to find something helpful, and Dean was worried about them all. (And probably the fate of mankind as well)

 _Dean. Those infuriating green eyes and freckles and-_

 _Stop._

Oh, and Crowley was locked in the bunker's dungeon, doing nothing but making smart remarks every time they questioned him.

Add all this to learning how to be human, and it was safe to say Cas was a little stressed.

Which is why he was relieved to hear that Dean had caught wind of a case. He was dying to get some fresh air. They'd been cooped up in the bunker for almost a week.

Kevin was happy to stay behind, but it took a little more convincing to get Sam to stay put. (Dean's idea of 'convincing' was to dose his brother with a sleeping pill while they snuck out.)

They left the prophet with strict instructions not to let Sam go anywhere. He could barely walk in a straight line, let alone work a case.

* * *

Cas rode up front for a change, which was nice. He was secretly relieved that Sam was staying behind. Dean seemed more open when his brother wasn't around. He rolled down the window and leaned into the wind. It almost felt like he was flying. God, he missed flying.

"Put your damn head back in the car, you look like a dog."

"I take that as a compliment. Dogs are wonderful creatures."

Dean rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Don't you wanna know what we're walkin' into?"

"I suppose that would be helpful." Cas reluctantly rolled up the window and took the file from Dean. "Thinman?" He opened the folder and found himself looking at a photo of a teenage girl with a faceless figure standing ominously behind her.

"Yeah, locked house, no sign of forced entry; the usual. That selfie was posted around 2am, a few hours after she'd been killed, but way before anyone found her body."

"Selfie?" Cas squinted. "I'm unfamiliar with that term."

"It's uh, it's when people take pictures of themselves. They call 'em selfies. I dunno, man. This new generation is weird." Dean cringed. "God, I sound like an old man."

"It's okay. Compared to me, you're an infant. I have been alive for centuries." Cas said absently. "Have you researched the lore?"

"A little. Apparently this 'Thinman' dude pops up in people's pictures and then they die. Most of the photos online look fake though, and I wasn't able to verify any of the deaths."

"Except this one." Cas said, flipping through the crime scene photos.

"Yep."

"So...ghost?"

"I dunno, maybe. Ghosts are usually tied to one place, there's reports of this guy all over the world."

"Tulpa?"

"Maybe. Let's see what we can find at the crime scene."

* * *

Cas fidgeted with his tie. He was never entirely comfortable impersonating law enforcement. Dean, however, wore the FBI suit with confidence. He made it look _good._ He held himself straight and tall, and Cas felt inadequate standing next to him.

They were in the home of Casey Miles, the girl who had died. Her mother was a nice woman, and he could sense her grief even without the help of his angel powers.

She led them to Casey's room, and it was immediately evident where the girl had met her demise. There was a large bloodstain around the closet. Her mother turned away and pressed a hand to her mouth. "I'm sorry...I can't..."

"It's okay, Mrs. Miles. Agent Rogers and I will take it from here." Cas said sympathetically.

Once she was out of sight, Dean smiled. "You're getting better at this, 'Agent Barnes'."

Cas blushed at the praise. "Thank you."

"Alright, let's get this show on the road. You scan for EMF, I'll look for hex bags."

* * *

"Well, that place was clean. No hex bags, no EMF, no sulfur...no sign of anything supernatural." Dean sighed, going to the motel's minifridge for a beer.

"There are other possibilities we haven't considered, for example; a Tulpa." Cas said, frowning. "Dean, you really shouldn't be drinking on the job."

"It's fine, man. I can handle my liquor. This isn't my first rodeo." Dean rolled his eyes and took a long drink.

Cas shook his head. "It's not that. I can't heal your liver anymore." He said sadly.

Dean frowned. He hadn't thought about it like that. "Hey, it's okay. A couple beers every once in a while isn't gonna kill me."

"No, but you have more than just a couple."

The hunter sighed. "Liver failure isn't exactly on my list of concerns right now. Hunters don't have much in the way of a life span."

"So you're planning to die young?" Cas questioned angrily.

"No! It's just sorta...being realistic."

Cas was quiet. He felt awful. Dean was right, most hunters didn't live to see old age. But there had been a time when Cas could have made his friend immortal with a single touch! Now he was human...and he too would die; very likely sooner rather than later.

"Alright, so maybe it's a Tulpa. Let's read up on the lore and see what kills it." Dean brought his attention back to the case.

But before they could find anything helpful, their police scanner picked up something.

 _"I've got another body..."_

"Let's roll." Dean said, finishing off his beer.

* * *

They arrived at the crime scene to find a bloody mess. The victim, a local bartender, had his throat slit while cleaning up after hours.

"Any security footage?"

"Yeah, you're gonna wanna see this." The detective said shakily.

He played the tape, which showed a figure move from the parking to the inside of the bar within seconds. The thing snuck up behind the victim and cut his throat without hesitation.

"Can you zoom in?"

The officer complied, and zoomed in on the creature's face. (Or lack of one.) It had no discernible features; no eyes, nose, or mouth. Its skin was bumpy and disfigured, almost like a burn victim's.

"What the hell is that thing?" The detective asked in horror.

"Thinman." Came the dramatic reply from behind them.

They turned to find two men standing with smug looks on their faces. Cas didn't recognize them, but Dean obviously knew who they were.

"Dammit, what are you doing here?" He growled.

"What we do best. Investigating the paranormal." The dark haired man said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Wait...Dean?" The one with the beard squinted.

"Excuse us for a moment, officers." Dean said, pulling them away from the scene. "Alright, I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit. You're gonna turn around and leave town. Got it?"

Cas raised an eyebrow. Who were these people?

"Come on, don't be like that! We've got just as much right to be here as the _fake_ FBI does."

"Hey, keep it down." Dean glared.

"Or what, you'll arrest us?" The shorter one smirked. "Hey, where's your brother? And who's your boyfriend here?"

"Sam is otherwise occupied. I'm Castiel. Dean and I are not romantically involved." Cas clarified, hoping the twinge of sadness didn't show in his voice.

He had rebuilt Dean's beautiful body when rescuing him from Hell. They had worked side-by-side through the years, and grown close. Cas wasn't quite sure when the feelings had turned from platonic to romantic, but he tried not to dwell on them. Given Dean's obvious interest in women, he didn't want to ruin their friendship by making a move. But becoming human had changed things. His feelings towards the hunter intensified, and got harder to ignore. But he was managing.

"One name, huh? Like Beyoncé. Interesting."

"Well, this has been fun. But it's time for you to go." Dean started shoving them towards the exit. His face was slightly flushed. Was he blushing? Was it because the man had assumed they were a couple?

"Hey! We could help you-"

"I highly doubt that." Dean snorted as he shut the door in their faces.

"Who were they?"

"Harry and Ed. The 'Ghostfacers'."

"I'm sorry, the what?"

"Basically camera whores. They like to try and get the supernatural on tape. Me and Sam have run into them before, and they just get in the way."

Cas nodded. "I see."

"Alright, I think we've learned everything we can from the dead guy. Let's head back to the motel."

* * *

Dean sighed. "Bad news, I don't think it's a Tulpa."

"I agree. The lore is too inconsistent. This 'Thinman' is described differently on almost every website."

"Yeah...another weird thing; it looks like this guy didn't exist until a couple years ago. There's nothing about him prior to 2013."

"That is strange."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Dean frowned and reached for his gun as he looked through the peephole. When he saw who it was, he holstered his weapon and groaned. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." He opened the door. "What do you want, Ed?"

Cas looked past Dean and saw the golden haired 'Ghostfacer' standing uncomfortably on their doorstep. "I have something important to tell you." He said, not meeting their eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright, what is it?" Dean scowled as he let Ed into the room.

"I made it up." The man blurted out.

"What?"

"Thinman. I-I created him."

"Woah, slow down there." Dean frowned. "You did what?"

"Harry was getting too serious with his girlfriend...he was gonna marry her! She wanted nothing to do with the Ghostfacers, and I _knew_ it would be over if they tied the knot."

"So you made up this story to keep him interested?" Cas squinted. "That hardly seems ethical."

"I know it was wrong...but it worked! We started hunting down this thing, and Harry broke it off with his girl."

"You ruined your friend's relationship for some fake case?" Dean shook his head in disbelief. "That's messed up, man."

"Yeah, but now it's really happening, and I don't know how...It's not a Tulpa; I made sure the lore was different enough on every site I posted to."

Dean sighed. "Awesome. Hey, where is Harry anyway?"

"He wanted to look for Thinman in the woods-"

"You dropped him off in the woods alone?" Dean exclaimed.

"No!" Ed defended himself. "Not really, anyway. I left him in the park behind a shopping mall. There are a few trees, but it's not a freakin' forest."

"Jesus." Dean muttered, grabbing his coat. "Let's go get him."

* * *

They followed him to the Impala, and quickly made their way to the park.

"You won't tell him, right?" Ed asked nervously as they pulled up.

"Nope. That's your job."

They stepped out of the car just in time to see Harry scrambling out of a grove of trees.

"Help! It got me!" He was screaming.

They ran to him just as he collapsed, holding his stomach. Cas gently pried his hand off his midsection, and it came away red.

"Dammit." Dean rose. "You stay with him, keep pressure on that. We'll go catch the bastard."

They left the two Ghostfacers on the ground, and sprinted towards the trees. Dean shone his flashlight around, and his eyes widened when he saw three distinct sets of footprints. One clearly belonged to Harry, as it led out into the open. But the other two stopped and turned back instead of following further.

They quickly followed the steps to the other side of the park, where they disappeared at the curb.

"The creatures seem to have teleported." Cas observed.

"Or gotten into a car." Dean pointed out. "I think I know what's going on here."

"Humans?"

"Yeah. People are fuckin' crazy. Alright, let's head back and see if Harry's still alive."

* * *

"He appears to be alive." Cas said with relief as they approached the two men. Harry was on the ground leaning up against the Impala, and Ed was next to him, still keeping pressure on the wound.

"Guys, I just got attacked by Thinman. I have to tweet this." His eyes were wide, and he didn't appear to be in much pain.

"You didn't tell him?" Dean asked.

"Tell me what?"

"Can't we worry about that later?" Ed almost shouted. "He's bleeding out!"

"It's not that even that bad!" Harry shook his head.

"He's right; it looks like the bleeding has already stopped." Cas pointed out.

"Thank you!"

"Okay, let's take this back to the motel." Dean sighed and helped Harry into the backseat.

* * *

The ride back was awkward, with the injured Ghostfacer babbling on about how they were gonna make a movie about Thinman, and all the publicity it would receive.

Once inside the motel, they had Harry sit on the bed while Dean cut away his shirt. The hunter cleaned around the wound, and Cas couldn't tear his eyes away from those skilled hands. The older Winchester could have been a doctor. He moved quickly but gently, and the former angel couldn't help but wonder what those hands would feel like on his skin...

"Doesn't even need stitches." Dean said once he finished bandaging it.

"Great. Now, where's my camera? I think I caught it on film!"

Ed cleared his throat. "Harry...there's something I gotta tell you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Drugs are bad, guys. Don't do them.**

* * *

Harry didn't say a word through Ed's confession. He just sat there in shock and confusion.

"...I'm so sorry, I wish I could take it back."

When Harry finally spoke, it was in a harsh, flat tone.

"Get out."

"Harry," Ed stepped closer.

"I said get out!" He shouted.

Cas watched the exchange, unsure of what to do, so when Ed turned and ran out the door, Dean gestured for him to follow.

He shut the door behind them, sticking his hands in his pockets to protect against the chilly evening air. Regulating temperature had never been a problem when he was an angel.

"God, I can't believe I fucked up this bad." Ed's voice broke.

"I'm sorry," Cas said sincerely. "I know the feeling."

Ed drew a shuddering breath and reached into his jacket, pulling out a small Ziploc bag filled with what looked like brightly colored candy. He popped one in his mouth.

"What's that?" Cas asked out of curiosity.

"Just a little pick-me-up. Want one?"

Cas squinted. "Are they drugs?"

Ed laughed. "Come on, you guys are the _fake_ FBI. I didn't think you cared about this kind of stuff."

"I was under the impression that drugs are bad for you." The former angel said with concern. "Are you alright?"

"Hell no, I'm not alright. I just screwed up the best friendship I've ever had. These are what's gonna make it better."

"How?"

"They make you feel okay again." Ed said quietly. "Besides, they're only bad if you take a lot. I'm careful."

Cas had to admit, he was interested. He hadn't felt 'okay' in a long time.

Ed offered him a small, oval-shaped yellow pill with a cartoon character's face etched into it. "Oh, but I gotta warn you. Sometimes they make you feel like you're flying."

 _Flying._

And he was sold. Cas took the pill. "I don't feel it." He said with disappointment.

"Bro, you gotta wait a little while. It takes about 45 minutes to kick in."

"Oh."

"Hey, and don't tell Dean." Ed lowered his voice.

Cas frowned. "Why not?"

Ed looked uncomfortable. "He wouldn't like it."

"Because drugs are bad."

"Or, you know, cause I didn't share. He drinks too much, you shouldn't mix pills and alcohol." Ed explained.

There was something off about it, but Cas accepted the excuse for now. Truthfully, he didn't care about the consequences. Like Dean had said, their lifespans were significantly shorter than most people's. Chances were he would die at the hand of one of his fallen brothers or sisters long before the effects of drug abuse killed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean opened the door. "Get back in here, you guys gotta see this."

"But Harry-"

"Is gonna stow his crap until we catch this psycho."

Ed reluctantly followed Cas back into the room. The video camera was hooked up to their laptop, playing the footage of right before Harry was attacked.

"There," Dean said, and Harry paused the video. He made a point not to look at Ed, instead focusing on the screen with an intense frown. Illuminated by the Ghostfacer's flashlight was a face.

"Is that the waiter from the café we stopped at on the way into town?" Cas moved closer.

"Sure looks like it." Dean said.

"Wait...this thing is _human_?" Ed furrowed his brow. "That can't be! It...it teleports!"

"Cas and I saw two sets of footprints leading away from where Harry got knifed. That could explain it. One guy gets in front of the security camera, the other slits the bartender's throat." Dean added.

"So...what do we do?" Cas asked uncertainly. "Do we kill them?"

"Tempting, but maybe we should just turn them in to the cops." Dean shrugged. "Have Harry tell the truth about the attack, and show them the footage."

"What if you're wrong?" Ed challenged. "We never saw a second face, we don't know who the other guy is. And what if this man is possessed?"

"He has a point." Cas said. "We need to be thorough."

Dean sighed. "Alright. Let's track this son of a bitch down." He pulled up his own laptop and began to run the man's face through the DMV database, cross checking with employment records for the restaurant. He had a match within minutes.

"Our boy is Roger Dallen. Age 22, single. Lives just across town with his roommate...Alan Porter."

"Let's go get him." Ed stood and grabbed his jacket.

"Woah there, cowboy." Dean stopped him. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To help."

"Yeah, I don't think so. Leave this to the professionals."

"We are professionals!" Ed exclaimed stubbornly.

"You started a cult to stop your best friend from getting married, and he just got stabbed." Dean scoffed. "You're not going anywhere."

"Well I'm not staying here with him." Harry piped up.

"Oh, for Christ's sake." Dean muttered. "Harry you stay here. Ed, come with us. But you're staying in the car."

He nodded and avoided eye contact with the injured Ghostfacer as they left.

* * *

As they approached the apartment, Cas felt...strange. Like there was this energy buzzing within him. It felt good. Almost like he had a small portion of his Grace back. He could feel _everything._ His clothes against his skin. The engine humming just beneath him. He could feel each breath as it entered his body and filled his lungs.

And the _colors..._ He was floating on white.

As soon as Dean parked the car, he jumped out and headed for the door.

"Hey, slow down." The hunter hissed, catching his arm. "We've gotta have a plan."

"I could ring the doorbell and pretend to be a salesman?" Ed suggested.

"Oh no, you're getting back in the car." Dean shoved him back inside and handcuffed him to the door handle.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, it's for your own protection."

Cas looked around. He could _see_ things. Really _see_ them for what they were. Dean was surrounded by a bluish glow. Harry was glowing golden.

"Why are you sad, Dean?" Cas asked.

Dean blinked. "Dude," He shook his head. "Quit being weird. We've got a case to wrap up."

"My apologies." Cas looked away. Maybe he had misinterpreted Dean's aura. Blue could also be symbolic for calm. Either way, he was breathtaking.

They quietly approached the apartment and hovered outside the window. It was dark, but there was a light coming from inside. Through a crack in the curtains they could see two men sitting at a computer. They were watching videos...

Videos of the murder victims. Specifically the bartender from earlier. But how? The police department hadn't released those surveillance tapes...and this was closer up, better quality...

Taken by a video camera. One that was hooked up to the computer.

As he watched the man's throat slashed; his blood spurting everywhere...Cas felt sick. He could _feel_ the victim's pain, his fear. _Black._

"It's them." He said with disgust.

"Yeah. Look, there's the masks." Dean agreed, pointing to the counter.

"Good enough for me." Cas said, straightening up. He walked confidently over to the door, and kicked it in.

"Cas, what the hell?" Dean shouted,

The former angel felt powerful once again. Maybe even invincible. He felt satisfaction at the looks of surprise on the murderers' faces. Not even giving them time to react, he punched the larger one square in the jaw. The man dropped like a rock, but his partner came at Castiel with a knife. Laughing, Cas easily disarmed him, twisting his hands up behind his back.

Dean grabbed the other man, and handcuffed him tp a chair before he could recover. "Give a guy some warning next time!" He glared at Cas. "I'm going to get some rope." He muttered.

Ten minutes later, both men were tied up tightly; waiting for the police to pick them up. All the evidence was in plain sight, including taped confessions.

Cas grinned as they walked back to the car. _Floating._

Dean pulled out his phone and called the police tip line, leaving a vague message along with the address.

Ed was smiling from ear to ear. "I knew you guys could do it!" He giggled.

Dean just gripped the wheel tightly as they sped out of the parking lot.

"You are upset." Cas noted nervously. He didn't want Dean to be angry with him.

"Damn right! What the hell were you thinking?" He scowled.

"That we needed to neutralize the threat."

"Yeah, but would it have killed you to let me in on the plan?"

"I didn't really have a plan." Cas admitted. "I just went with what felt right."

"That's the kind of stupid shit that gets you killed! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry you feel like I did something wrong, but I thought I was 'kicking ass and taking names,'."

Dean looked at him strangely. "Are you okay?"

"Definitely," Cas nodded emphatically.

"Are you sure? You didn't hit your head or anything?"

"Aw, don't listen to him, man." Ed clapped him on the shoulder. "You were frickin' awesome back there."


	5. Chapter 5

They drove back to the motel, and found Harry sound asleep in Dean's bed.

"Oh, Hell no." Dean muttered, shaking him awake. "Rise and shine."

"What time is it?" Harry muttered, before remembering where he was. "Wait, what happened? Did you kill it? Or them?" He sat up, wincing.

"Take it easy." Cas said. "They were only humans. We tied them up and left them for the police."

"Oh." Harry nodded. "Good."

There was a moment of awkward silence. "Okay, do you want a ride back to your own motel now, or what?" Dean said no-so-subtly.

"Our car is here." Ed gestured outside. "Unless Harry doesn't wanna ride with me..." He added softly.

Dean shook his head. "Oh, stop it. You've got your own ride, get outta here. I ain't drivin' one of you just cause there's some drama going on." He said irritably. "Cas and I gotta sleep before we hit the road tomorrow."

"Fine," Harry grumbled.

On their way out, Cas put a hand on Ed's shoulder. "I wish you the best of luck in mending your relationship with Harry. And..." He lowered his voice. "Thank you."

The drugs may not have been able to give him back the sensation of flying, (Floating wasn't quite the same) but he definitely felt better than he had in months. He was confident, self-assured...hell, maybe even peaceful.

He shut the door behind them, and turned to find Dean digging around in the fridge.

"I thought you were going to sleep."

"I am. Which is why I need this." Dean popped the top off another beer.

Cas sighed inwardly, but realized he had no right to be upset. After all, he had taken drugs from Ed without even knowing what they were, or the effects they would have on his body.

"I'm going for a walk."

"You...what?"

"A walk." Cas repeated. Was that really so unusual?

"It's the middle of the freakin' night, dude."

Cas shrugged. "It's a beautiful night, and I'm not tired." This was true, but he didn't reveal the other reason he was leaving. He couldn't be around the hunter right now. Not if he wanted to preserve their friendship. The drugs had heightened his senses, and the smell of Dean's cologne was driving him crazy. He wanted to count every freckle. He wanted to kiss every scar.

"You and Sam...weirdos. Alright, just be careful. Don't go too far." Dean said. Was that concern in his voice? Was Dean worried about him?

"I will be fine."

* * *

Cas walked outside without a jacket, but he didn't feel cold. At least, not the _normal_ cold. He could feel the pinpricks of chill as a shiver up his spine. He looked up to the sky; the stars. He used to belong up there, and normally he would feel a profound sadness. But all he felt now was wonder.

It was _beautiful._ The thrill of the cold, the sliver of moonlight casting an otherworldly glow over the earth...

He felt like running. Jumping.

 _Flying._

So he did what he could: he ran.

He didn't know where he was going, only that if he went fast enough, maybe it would be enough.

Time seemed to blur. The only thing that existed in this moment was the pounding of Castiel's heart; the electricity running through his veins. His feet against the concrete.

He felt a laugh rise up in his throat. A feverish giggle.

And then he was flying.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas woke up in the motel. He was still wearing his clothes, including shoes. Someone had tossed a blanket over him...Dean?

He blinked. What had happened last night? How did he end up back here?

Sitting up, he pressed his palm to his forehead and groaned. His head was killing him.

"Mornin', sunshine." Dean's voice, usually a source of comfort, seemed to increase the pain in his head. "Hey, you okay?"

Cas winced. "I'm fine."

"Got a headache?" The hunter spoke softer, which was much appreciated.

"Yes."

Dean fetched some Tylenol, and handed them to Cas with a glass of water. As the former angel reached out to take them, he realized that his hands were shaking.

"What's going on, Cas?"

Normally this display of concern would make Castiel happy, but for some reason it just irritated him. "Nothing, I said I was fine." He snapped.

"Okay, okay." Dean backed off, although his green eyes were still full of worry. "Have a little too much fun last night? You stumbled in around 1 in the morning, and you looked totally smashed."

Cas tilted his head, trying to fight off the sudden bout of dizziness. "I don't remember." He said honestly.

Dean chuckled. "Your first real hangover. Great, isn't it?"

"No." Cas glared.

"Well, drink lots of water, and you can sleep it off on the way back to the bunker."

* * *

 **Dean's POV**

Something was up with Cas, that much was obvious. He wasn't the type to go out get drunk on a whim. And honestly, Dean wasn't even sure that's what had happened. He'd wandered back to the motel at 1 in the freaking morning, acting weird, but not drunk-weird. His speech wasn't slurred. He went on about stars, and colors, and flying. If Dean didn't know any better, he would've said Cas was high as a kite.

Maybe he'd gotten his hands on some weed. But then again, Marijuana didn't leave you with a killer headache like this.

Dean brushed off the uneasy feeling. This was _Cas._ He was the responsible one, he was probably overthinking this. Sometimes a headache is just a headache.

On the ride home, Dean couldn't stop glancing over at his friend. It wasn't unusual for him to be quiet, but this level of silence...just not saying _anything_? It was concerning.

* * *

Upon arriving, Cas headed straight for his room, and Sam confronted him angrily. "You can't just drug me, Dean. That's not okay."

He didn't argue. He knew it wasn't okay, but he needed to keep Sammy safe. Let him be mad. He stormed off, leaving the older Winchester alone in the kitchen. Awesome. He tried not to let it bother him, but a nagging loneliness tugged at his heart. His first instinct was to run to Castiel. _Wait, what?_

No. Dean Winchester's misery did not need company. And so he found himself in the bottom of a bottle again.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Hopefully I'll be able to put the next chapter up soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

Cas felt like he was spiraling into insanity.

Weeks passed with no new developments. Factions of angels continued to fight. There was no word on Metatron. Kevin had translated the entire angel tablet, _twice._ Nothing.

And Dean's drinking was getting worse.

There was one silver lining; Sam's condition was improving. He grew stronger every day. It was good to see him getting back to normal; the trials had almost killed him.

But as the feeling of helplessness became overwhelming, Cas found himself craving the peace and euphoria that came from the pill Ed had given him.

He needed to find the Ghostfacer.

* * *

After a few minutes on the Internet, Cas found the official Ghostfacers website. He dialed the number listed, and waited.

 _"Ghostfacers, we face the ghosts when others will not. How can I help you?"_

Ed's voice sounded so hopeful, so happy that someone was calling...Cas hated to let him down, but he needed this.

"Hello, Ed. It's me, Castiel."

There was a moment of silence before a disappointed, _"Oh. Dean's friend, right?"_

"That is correct. How are you, Ed?"

He chuckled bitterly. " _This is the first call I've had since...well, since before the whole Thinman fiasco, and it's not even ghost-related. Harry still isn't speaking to me."_

"I'm sorry to hear that."

" _Yeah."_

"Ed, I have a favor to ask...That pill you gave me, do you have any more?"

 _"Yeah, why?"_

"I need more."

" _Dude, Dean would kill me if-"_

"Dean is the least of your worries right now." Cas said sharply. "Just tell me where to meet you."

" _Look, man..."_

"Please." Cas heard a hint of desperation in his own voice, and he hated how weak he sounded.

" _Fine."_ Ed sighed and gave him an address.

* * *

"I'm going out." Cas stated casually.

"Wait, what?" Sam stepped in his way. "Where?"

"To see Ed."

"The Ghostfacer?" Sam raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I want to see how he's doing. He lost his best friend not long ago."

"I didn't know you two were buddies."

Cas shrugged, pushing past Sam. "I'll be back later."

He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the bunker's garage. He was glad Dean was still in his room. The older Winchester wouldn't have let him go so easily. He hopped into one of the Men of Letters' old cars, and went on his way.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, where's Cas?" Dean wandered out of his room.

"He, uh, went to see Ed."

"Wait, the Ghostfacer Ed?" Dean asked, a bit taken aback. "Why?"

Sam shrugged. "He said he wanted to see how he was doing."

Dean frowned suspiciously. "Maybe I should-"

"Come on, dude. Trust him, it's Cas. Why would he lie?"

Sam was right, but somehow the feeling of uneasiness wouldn't go away. So he dialed Cas's number, and prayed it wouldn't go to voicemail.

" _Dean?"_

"Cas, hey. How's it going?"

 _"Very good_." Cas giggled.

"Um, okay. What are you doing?" Something wasn't right...

" _I'm...flying_."

"Cas, I think you've been drugged." Dean swallowed hard. "Where are you? Me and Sam will come get you."

 _"Nooo, it's fine. I'm fine_."

"Sam, start the car." Dean said, tossing the keys at his brother, who was wearing a worried frown. "Castiel, where are you?"

* * *

That was a very good question. Where was he? What happened?

Oh.

Ed had given him a pill, but said he couldn't stay. Why couldn't he stay? Did no one want him?

 _Alone._

Suddenly he was dropping from the white, tumbling into the blue. (colors made more sense than words at this point.)

He tried to remain positive. Only moments ago he had been flying. He had stolen about fifteen pills from Ed's jacket when he wasn't looking. He could fly whenever he wanted now. He should be happy.

 _"Cas!"_

Dean's voice reminded him that the hunter was still on the line.

"I...I don't know where I am."

" _Son of a bitch...give me some landmarks. What do you see?"_

"There's a theater...Syracuse Tinseltown?" He read the sign.

" _Okay, you're in Syracuse. Don't move. We're coming to get you."_

After hanging up, Cas saw movement in the corner of his eye. He spun around, fighting the wave of dizziness.

"Metatron?"

No. It couldn't be. It had to be a hallucination, a side effect of the drugs...

"Hello, Castiel." The angel said with a smirk. "Look what's become of you! This is definitely an interesting twist to the story."

Cas slid his angel blade out of his sleeve and lunged at Metatron, who easily dodged the attack.

"Wow. You know, you're failing at being human almost as epically as you failed at being an angel."

"Shut up!" Cas cried, attempting to strike Metatron again.

"It's so entertaining to watch you and those Winchesters, trying in vain to reverse the spell. But you can't, Castiel. The sooner you admit that, the better."

"It can't be true." Cas shook his head, trying to clear the haze.

"Oh, but it is. See, I'm the only one controls who gets into Heaven now."

"What?"

"That's right; only a handpicked few - the elite, get to come Home with me. It's my Heaven now."

"CAS!"

The sound of Dean's voice made him turn away from Metatron for a split second, but when he looked back, the angel was gone.

"Cas, what happened?" Dean was in front of him within seconds, gripping his shoulders tightly.

"Metatron...Metatron was here, did you see him?" Cas asked breathlessly.

Sam and Dean exchanged glances. "No...are you sure it was him?"

"Of course! Why...why wouldn't I be?"

"You got roofied, man. You might be hallucinating."

"No. It was him." Cas insisted.

"Okay...whatever you say. Let's get you home."

Cas reluctantly followed them to the Impala. "Wait...I drove here...the car is at Ed's apartment."

"What happened?" Dean asked again.

Cas hesitated. He didn't want Ed to get in trouble. "I didn't get 'roofied'. I had a headache, so I took a pill that I found at Ed's place." He lied.

"Dammit, you can't just take random pills without knowing what they are!" Dean frowned. "What the hell made you think that was a good idea?"

Cas looked down. "I don't know." He felt awful. Emotionally exhausted.

They reached Ed's apartment, and sure enough, the yellow car from the Men of Letters garage was parked out front. Cas stepped out of the car and reached into his pocket for the keys.

"Woah, you're in no condition to be driving." Sam said, gently taking the keys from his hand. "I'll meet you guys back at the bunker."

Cas got into the passenger side of the Impala, and prepared for the awkward silence that was sure to follow.

"So...how's Ed doin'?"

"What?"

"You know, the whole reason you said you were coming down here was to check on him."

"Oh, yes. He's okay."

Dean scoffed. "If he's got drugs layin' around, he's not really okay."

"What makes you say that?"

The hunter threw him a sideways glance. "Drugs are bad, man. They teach you this shit in third grade. Popping pills is what people do when they can't deal."

"I was never in the third grade." Cas said grumpily.

"Still."

After another awkward silence, Dean spoke again. This time his voice was softer.

"How you feeling?"

"I don't know." Cas said honestly. He was so sure Metatron was really there...now he was second guessing everything. His head was spinning with thoughts and emotions.

"So...Metatron?"

"I thought you didn't believe me."

"I dunno, it might be something. It's more of a lead than we've had in weeks."

Cas repeated the conversation back to Dean, who listened intently.

"So...he said he controls who gets back into Heaven?"

"Yes."

"Hm. Sounds like there might be a way back after all. We just need to figure out how he's doing it."

For the first time in a long time, Cas should have felt hope.

So why was he drowning in despair?


End file.
